Riding The Waves Of Life

We all have to ride the waves of life… the ups and downs of normal events and then the ups and downs that accompany a severe storm. Nobody is immune to this.

Sometimes when I am talking to somebody and I mention being bipolar, they feel the need to brush it aside like it is nothing by saying, “everyone is bipolar, we all have ups and downs.” While I want to poke them in the eye for throwing us all into the same hand basket, there is some truth to it.

Yes, we all have the blues from time to time, especially when something bad is going on in our lives. Everyone does experience some form of mania and depression in their lighter forms. So what separates those diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder from the rest of the population? (Using the word ‘normal’ very loosely here.)

When depression and mania affects our living standards, we have a problem. When you can’t work because you have been crying every single day, there is a problem. When you are so manic that you decide to up and quit your job to become a writer, yet you have no writing experience, nor do you have money saved to be able to do so… there is a problem. When you can’t get out of bed for days… when you are flirting with suicidal ideation… there is a problem. I could go on and on with examples for you, but I think you get the point.

Can you see the difference between normal, and mentally ill? Yes, we all experience these things, but for most people, it doesn’t last week after week, month after month, year after year. For those of us battling Bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression), life can be affected in such a detrimental way, held captive by huge mood swings.

To those riding those stormy waves, I promise you that the storm will one day pass, and the waves become more gentle, or perhaps even welcomed. For those I call “normal”, ride your waves too, and if it ever becomes too rough, I am here to inspire you to get back up on that board and ride…

I am always here to help inspire, and remind that things do get better. If I can… I KNOW others can too. 

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A BipolarQuote by Alyssa Reyans, Letters From A Bipolar Mother

This quote resonates with me so much. Inside my head, I can hear my ‘true’ self screaming YES!!! Finally someone totally gets it… I am not completely alone in this world. I’m not as rare as I once thought.

Truly!

After my last mental health breakdown… which was a culmination of several years ranging from 2008 until about 2017. I often thought “who the f*ck am I? Will I ever get me back? Am I lost for good? Was the “me” I use to be the real one, or was I this person all along?

I now have the answer to those questions because for the first time in years, I look into that mirror, and with tears, I see who it was I loved… I see myself again. I see the compassion, and love, I see the person that others came to know and love. I lost myself to this cruel disorder. The shell of me, because of the bipolar 1 disorder that ran rampant like a wildfire in my head, that girl who I couldn’t stand looking at… that person was now gone. I hope she never returns, and I strive each day to move forward in love for myself, and the knowledge that I have gained from my painful life experiences.

The pain is like a fire, a cleansing fire… and I fight, continue on, creating new moments, and holding on to the opportunity to fix things that went wrong. I am healing daily, and want to help those who love me and have been hurt by me… they need healing as well, we all need healing, and I will do all I can to help…

That is love… and I am love. <— notice the positive affirmation I snuck in?? -smile- being positive does rewire your brain, and the more positive affirmations I can sneak into my life, the better!

Quote For May 1, 2019

Grab hold of life with both hands and make the most of every single day. Everyone’s best will not look the same, so don’t compare yourself to others. Just resolve to do the best you can within your limitations… Remove all preconceived expectations (for frustration is expectation going unmet)… Don’t become stagnant, instead focus on continuously learning something new… Put mindfulness to practice where it will benefit you, as it is highly successful in testing mood disorders and chronic pain… And continue growing in passion for yourself to live your best life!

Always be open to living… this one life is all that we know to exist, there is no other. So get to living your best life and becoming the very best you!

Positive Affirmations~ INSPIRE

positiveaffirmationsinspire

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.~ Sidney Madwed~

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These repetitive words and phrases are merely methods of convincing the subconscious mind.~ Claude M. Bristol

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Positive affirmations! What an awesome little arsenal at our disposal… and they are simply words we string together, spun in a positive light, all in an effort to get us out of the negative mental ruts we get ourselves into. They don’t possess voodoo, nor are they cast into spells… they are simply words formed into short sentences to offer encouragement, positivity, joy… arranged in a way to (hopefully) put a smile on your face, make your heart happier and lighter, to INSPIRE.

When at a low, I search these affirmations that I find relatable to my personal experiences. For, I want happiness… just as every other soul I know. Not a single person would choose to suffer.

I encourage you to find a little positivity in each and every day. It can be as simple as getting outdoors for a walk, stopping to smell the flowers along the way, listening to your favorite music or better yet, sing along to it! Get a good workout in… whether playing your favorite sport (running, hiking, or cycling for me), or just hitting the gym. Doing so will create endorphins, our ‘feel good’ chemicals. You can utilize an app on your phone to send you positive affirmations daily… or better yet, grab a stack of index cards, your favorite colored pencils or markers, and make your own! Hang those bad maamas on your bathroom mirror, your fridge, hang them all over the place to help you feed your brain with some positivity for once. Read them CONSTANTLY… and within time, those thoughts will become YOU.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen. Be patient! I know there isn’t a cure-all for everyone, but why allow misery to dwell in our minds… because I can ensure you that the thoughts you incessantly feed to yourself, they will be the thoughts watered and flourishing. The negative thoughts need to get weeded out… replaced by the good.

Be gentle on yourselves… show yourself the compassion and grace you give to others you love. Shouldn’t you show that same love to your “self”… the one who no doubt needs it most?

Keep checking back as I plan to add positive affirmations on a regular basis.

** Always remember…. whatever it is that you “feed”, that is what will always grow and flourish. Always.

 

©thebipolarmuse2018

A Moment In Stillness

instillness

 

It is amazing how long it can take some people to figure things out… To end their misery. I have told myself over and over that “nobody can make me happy… Only I can”.

Though I have spoken those words to myself aloud and otherwise… it was not until today that I said it out loud, and it became an “aha” moment.

It finally hit me… it empowered me!

This feeling was all new to me… a moment in stillness that reverberated through me.

Why? Because it means the difference between a miserable existence and a happy one.

I always believed that happiness could be sought, and found, through relationships… relationships with loved ones, and friends…relationships with men… but in all honesty, this is faulty thinking.

While relationships are important for us to feel fulfilled, they are NOT to be relied upon to make you happy. We should not put expectations of that magnitude onto others, and we should begin looking inwards.

Now, I am not saying we should be self-centered and make life all about “me, me, me”… that is unhealthy, ugly, self-serving behavior that creates only more pain and heartache, it certainly does not create happiness. Our happiness is ours to create… each of us personally needs to learn who we are, we need to become passionate for ourselves and passionate about what makes our hearts happy. That responsibility resides with nobody but ourselves.

As they say, happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don’t put off life… keep your eyes up and looking ahead, and be mindful while being here in the present.

For the present … well, the present is truly a gift.

©thebipolarmuse 2018

“I Am Not Afraid…”~ Joan Of Arc

bornForThis

Bipolar Ord3r~ I was born to do this♥

 

Every day is a new day to bring happiness into our lives. It isn’t always the easiest thing to do … even  more-so when you battle mental health issues, but with patience, persistence, a sense of humor, and the desire to make life better with each day, it can be done!

Let go of that which you have no control~ Learn to go with the flow, life is ever changing~ Be kind to yourself, see your beauty INSIDE, and LOVE yourSELF~ Smile, it is contagious~ Laugh out loud, it is even more contagious~ When you lack kindness, don’t speak~ Point out one good thing about yourself daily, and say what that is out-loud while looking yourself in the eyes~~~ When having a bad day, remember the graceful pre-teen who faced cancer bravely, whose moniker was “makeup is my wig”, all the while bringing encouragement, love, happiness, grace, and a beaming smile to others… up until her last breath~~~ Do what you do with your whole heart in it, your passion will encourage others!

LIVE, THRIVE, CRY, EMBRACE the SUCK, and no matter what, NEVER EVER GIVE UP… you are worth all the effort. Don’t let life slip by, EXPERIENCE it with an open mind and with your heart “all in”… afterall, we only have THIS life to live, so get to living it! ♥

Fuck Bipolar Disorder… Bipolar ORDER is how I roll~

©thebipolarmuse 2018

Set Yourself On Fire!

 

Success isn’t a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.” ~Arnold H. Glasow

 

I want to live by this philosophy! How many times will I allow myself to be burned by not following through and completing something. I set goals, perhaps too many, and make them completely unattainable. Would that just be a part of who I am?

As a child I wanted to be rich and famous…. how attainable is that?

My Father too was unable to complete anything. He couldn’t be what he needed for me and my sister. A complete asshole by my definition, yet I struggle and miss him. I still love him and long for him… though it can never be. Sadly he died in 2004. Every option of knowing him, forgiving him, telling him “I love you” was removed from me. I desperately would love for him to know that I have grown and learned the important lesson of loving without the expectation of anything being returned.

I love you Dad… and I hope you fell into eternal sleep with peace and sweet dreams of Starr and me.♥

©thebipolarmuse2010

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Written in April 2010