Lady Gaga Loves ‘An Unquiet Mind’ ~Links to Purchase~

ladyGagaAnUnquietMind
Proof Positive… Lady Gaga reads the best♥

Purchase your own copy… links below!!!

I recently did a post on the book ‘An Unquiet Mind’ by Kay Redfield Jamison… if you missed it you can certainly check it out *HERE*.

As I mentioned, this book is a breath of fresh air for those of us trying to make sense of our mental health issues, but in my opinion, it would make a fantastic read for those who know a friend or loved one battling Bipolar Disorder (aka Manic Depressive Illness) as well.

As you see in this picture, even the amazingly talented and amazingly human Lady Gaga finds the book to be of value to her. For those of you who are not following along in Ms Lady Gagas life, she has been battling her own mental health problems stemming from a rape she endured, and also the unfortunate reality of the litany of mental health issues that arise from the very painful, and very real Fibromyalgia.

Similarities anyone?? I know I can certainly relate… as I endure those things myself, as well as pain in my hips, pelvis, and lower back that runs down the back of my legs ending at the knees… and last but not least, the ugly and incurable Interstitial Cystitis… which interestingly seems to go hand in hand with Fibromyalgia, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It is enough to make one pull their hair out… at least that pain IS warranted, not to mention the endorphins released from such an act would be a welcomed sensation in comparison with most other sensations, almost always painful.

I applaud Ms Lady Gaga for sharing her difficulties with all of her fans, and creating the Born This Way Foundation. With her status in life, she has become a voice for us all, who while screaming at the top of our lungs, will never be heard in the way her voice can… and will.

Click image to connect to Amazon for purchase options!

If the image link above isn’t working,* here is a link*  where you can purchase the book for very reasonable prices. Don’t need one personally?? How about gifting it to the coworker you know who struggles, or your loved one who battles mental health problems?? Even if you didn’t want this particular item, that is a-ok! Through the provided links, you can access any item you are interested in, and it doesn’t cost a pennies difference whether you access my link to Amazon here, or order direct without using my links. However, and this is important, what it DOES do is help me to continue “Becoming Me”… and will give ‘thebipolarmuse’ a slight kickback to assist in keeping this site up and running… What a wonderful gift you would be gracing me with!!! Like I said, whether you purchased this book, or bought toys for your children for Christmas, as long as you go *through my link here*, you are helping me to continue doing the one thing I am MOST passionate about… sharing my story and life experiences with you… and serve as a reminder that life has unforeseen challenges indeed, but we can control how we react.

I choose to help others by sharing my life, the good and bad to help remind readers that nobody is alone in their struggles. You will always have a friend in me… I choose to attempt be the light in what sometimes feels like mind numbing, heart crushing, and soul sucking darkness.

Join me and let us serve as beacons for those who feel lost.

©thebipolarmuse2018

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When You Lose Power In Your RV

cyclone
Our home! Cyclone toy hauler…♥

 

** Note I use the term RV to mean any home on wheels such as: Motor-homes, 5th Wheels, Trailers, Tiny Homes, etc. **

Since a young age I have been in love with the idea of having a house I could take anywhere. I have my Great-Grandparents to thank for that for at the age of 12 they took me on a trip in their Motor-home up the west coast along the Pacific Coast Highway. I was in constant ‘Awe’ as we traveled from each 1000 Trails RV Parks’ along our route, oftentimes ‘hooking up’ right along the oceanfront, or amidst the beautiful Redwood Trees.

Anybody who has the privilege of inhabiting a traveling home knows exactly what I mean when I say “hooking up”… as our rigs are made to be plugged in for power, and the grey and black tanks are routed via a hose to the sewer. Some people are braver than I and actually “Boondock”… which means they aren’t hooking up to anything at all. I hope to one day travel to experience this way of life, but right now I am stuck in one spot with the luxury of connecting to power and sewer.

Several days ago, as dinner was cooking, we suddenly lost power. When you lose power, there are several steps to take to get it back going. First thing I always check is our GFI outlets… these are the plugs themselves that have two small buttons on them. When too much power is being pulled, it can often set one of those bad mamajama’s off thereby cutting off power to the plug. You may have experienced this using a blowdryer, or power tools… and it is a simple fix… you simply push the little button back in to resume power to that plug. However, it will happen again if you don’t assess what all is pulling power and unplug something else while you use your blowdryer/power tools.

After I have checked my outlets, and they are fine and dandy, I next go to my breaker box to see if a breaker has flipped. This is a simple fix as well… just flip the breaker switch back to its “on” position… being sure to check both the location and the main breaker.

I checked both of these things, and neither one was the culprit to our power loss. At this point I got nervous and turned my inverter on for my refrigerator. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night… without dinner at that.

The next thing I checked was the electrical box itself. This is the box that you have hooked your rig up to. It would have the option between a 30 & 50 amp switch. My rig runs on the 50 so I flipped it off and back on… still no power. Now, because my batteries were in working order, I had all the lighting I could want… which is great, but they couldn’t finish cooking my dinner nor run my air conditioners. Since it was late, I had no choice but to wait until the next day to call an RV repairman.

Luckily we are entering fall weather and there was no suffering due to the lack of air conditioning. It was a long night nonetheless courtesy of my close friend named “stress”, and I felt quite tattered by the time the repairman got here.

He listened closely to all I told him, and trusted I knew what I was talking about, skipping the usual act of going over everything I already tried. He went directly to his truck for another cord. He took mine off my rig, and screwed the new one in place, then plugged the other end into the electric box. Low and behold… we had power! After looking at my original plug, we found the cord to have an area that bulged out from the rest.

Problem Solved!!

rvCordDamaged
Our power outage culprit!

So our power loss was due to the faulty/damaged cord you see above. I purchased a new one and we are back in business! Hopefully this post helps others experiencing power issues. Of course… if these simple suggestions do not work, consult a professional. Electricity can be deadly!

Happy simple living in your home on wheels… hope you love it the way we do!

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A Moment In Stillness

instillness

 

It is amazing how long it can take some people to figure things out… To end their misery. I have told myself over and over that “nobody can make me happy… Only I can”.

Though I have spoken those words to myself aloud and otherwise… it was not until today that I said it out loud, and it became an “aha” moment.

It finally hit me… it empowered me!

This feeling was all new to me… a moment in stillness that reverberated through me.

Why? Because it means the difference between a miserable existence and a happy one.

I always believed that happiness could be sought, and found, through relationships… relationships with loved ones, and friends…relationships with men… but in all honesty, this is faulty thinking.

While relationships are important for us to feel fulfilled, they are NOT to be relied upon to make you happy. We should not put expectations of that magnitude onto others, and we should begin looking inwards.

Now, I am not saying we should be self-centered and make life all about “me, me, me”… that is unhealthy, ugly, self-serving behavior that creates only more pain and heartache, it certainly does not create happiness. Our happiness is ours to create… each of us personally needs to learn who we are, we need to become passionate for ourselves and passionate about what makes our hearts happy. That responsibility resides with nobody but ourselves.

As they say, happiness is a journey, not a destination. Don’t put off life… keep your eyes up and looking ahead, and be mindful while being here in the present.

For the present … well, the present is truly a gift.

©thebipolarmuse 2018

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Beauty and Catastrophe

haunting

Enchanting.

Haunting.

Dwelling in here is beauty and catastrophe…

limitless imagination…

bountiful frustration.

The moon resides more often than the sun.

An enticing tide,

Poetic ride.

The beast finds me no matter where I run.

Power finds me,

controls me, elicits behaviors

exceeding the one I call me.

Seraphs in heaven weep and pound

their fists…

Even they in their bliss,

can’t bring me peace.

Even I, being on bent knees,

Peace eludes me.

©thebipolarmuse August 2011

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When The Sh*t Hits The Fan

alone

When two people with mental health issues live together, certain challenges present themselves and add to the difficulties already present. I myself have a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 (along with several co-morbid “buddies” that often go hand in hand with said disorder), and the man I am dedicated to in life is diagnosed with bipolar (along with other co-morbid “buddies” as well), but the kicker is the diagnosis of “Intermittent Explosive Disorder”. I will do another post soon about that specific disorder, but lets just say that it  is a brutal issue to combat. It turns the man I love with all my soul into someone I don’t recognize. Not only that, but I am treated as though I am nobody special, even less than strangers. In fact, during an episode… I am spoken to with what sounds like loathing and fervent rage, but if a neighbor, or someone else comes along, they are spoken to with kindness and respect… something foreign to the way I am treated during these IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder) moments.

It is a very lonely place to be when the anger is directed at you simply because you are the person closest. Even if he is trying with all his strength NOT to lash out at me (which I know is exactly what he is concentrating on), it is very lonely to be on my end of it. While he is trying to battle his anxiety, and his automatic “this is a disaster” thought process, he is completely incapable of offering help or suggestions, nor demonstrate any type of loving, supportive gestures to help encourage me as I do all I can to rectify the situation.

Yet…  I still help my man to my fullest capacity, and attempt to support him. I do all I can to fix the problem without turning it into some horrible difficult issue… I remain calm, cool, and collected, trying to keep him informed of what I am doing to fix the situation.  Even if his tone of voice is derogatory, or he emanates anger… I do all I can to help, reminding myself that this isn’t the “true” him, and he is fighting to come back to who he truly is.

Though I know this isn’t him per say, it still hurts… I still feel as though I am wilting away. I try to be a step ahead so I can predict what is needed… and I do it for him without hesitation… all the while, tears flood my eyes, and I keep my head low to hide them. They are a sign of weakness to him when he is this person… so I keep silent, don’t argue, stay busy, put on that loving smile I am great at wearing, and I keep my head down…

All the while, somehow, in someway…

I am breaking.

Knowing full well that when things come full circle,

He will return full of love and grace, and his loving embrace will encompass me…

And what once felt broken…

He will make whole… and then I am home.

©thebipolarmuse 2018

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An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison

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An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison is one of my favorite books about manic depressive illness, and finding this author became a ray of light at an important time of my life… my own personal breakdown. You can find a copy of this excellent read in print on Amazon, and they also have it for the Kindle. Not only is Kay Redfield Jamison the Author, she also works in the mental health industry, and lives with Manic Depressive Illness (aka Bipolar Disorder) herself. She gives a very detailed, educated, yet very personal account of the disorder and how it has shaped her life.

Reading the book sparked the following post originally posted in April 2010…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She touches so well on the circus in my head… literally a psychosis I experienced that was one of the most intense experiences I have ever had. Knowing I was not alone in this chaos was certainly of importance for there is no way to describe to someone what it is like to feel so cold that it feels like fire, or be surrounded by lights that seem so bright everything around you appears surreal. There’s no way to describe how loud a chirping bird sounds, or how strong and fragrant fresh cut grass can create nausea. There’s no way to explain the sound and feel of the earth beneath my feet as I walk…

Nor is there a way to explain what it’s like when all of those experiences are absent… as in a state of depression.

Depression is the monster on my back. It steals everything from me and leaves me with absolutely nothing… nothing other than misery. It leaves me with pain, sickness, indifference, and my most hated phrase: “All I know is I don’t know”.

When depressed, a walk in the park is absent of everything pleasant. I can’t hear children laughing and playing, I can’t smell the BBQ cooking, I can’t hear birds chirping or dogs barking, I can’t feel the breeze or the warmth of the sun, I can’t see people smiling and enjoying themselves, and worst of all… I feel devoid of life in general.

Depression is painful and torturous. It robs me of any happiness and is absolutely brutal. I have fought these feelings since I was 11yrs old… and 31 years later I am still trying to figure it out… trying to tame this beast.

It can be done… I will do it… WATCH ME.

©thebipoolarmuse2010

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Big Thanks To “13 Reasons Why”

13-reasons-why

13 Reasons Why…

This t.v. series has started addressing the very serious issues happening to our teenagers across the world. They address sexual assault, gay bashing, bullying, cyber bullying, physical fights, sexuality, blackmail, coercion, our court system, and the way victims are turned into villian’s and worse. They also address the glorified hierarchy of the jocks occurring in schools everywhere, relationships, and of course the insecurities that all teenagers seem to possess to some degree.

These are all very worthy causes to bring to light and begin a conversation. However, for me, I not only applaud them for all the reasons I mentioned, but I applaud them for addressing these 2 things…

School shootings, and suicide.

Not only do they address suicide, but they also show what the aftermath of such a tragic choice does to all those around you. It shows the example of ruined relationships, the sadness and anger it invokes, the way many people need to “blame” someone or something. They address the need to have an open conversation about suicide, and also the need to tone it down so it does not infiltrate the minds of “at risk” youth (and adults), and create a contagion affect.

13 Reasons Why begs us to open up a dialogue with those we care about and address these very serious issues. All of these topics are what MANY teenagers deal with. Adults don’t quite grasp what all the social media can do to our children… how it opens one up to being bullied, how fake Facebook pages (or any other social media source) are set up to trick an unknowing person/victim. How taking a photo can lead to disaster… especially if it is provocative in any way, or a rumor presented along with it. Often, very detrimental consequences follow. Not to mention that many violators get away with what they do.

Many seemed to be concerned about the topics addressed during the 1st season… believing that young people cannot handle watching these issues, and didn’t think the show was good for teens to watch. This seems ridiculous to me considering all the “shooting” video games teenagers play,  not to mention the games younger kids play where they break into a neighbors house to try to discover what is in the basement… finally seeing that the neighbor is keeping people locked up against their will. WTF is that about??? Children are exposed to these types of games, and worse, but we cannot speak with them about suicide, bullying, sexual assault, and many more issues they deal with on a constant basis?? This is insanity.

This is the generation of overprotecting our kids to the point that they do not have the skills needed to take care of themselves, emotionally or otherwise. We are crippling them by doing this and it is truly sad.

So I applaud 13 Reasons Why, those in charge for creating the show, Netflix for embracing it, and the fight needed to bring about the second season and more… thank you for being the voice we all need.

©thebipolarmuse2018

 

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IceBox Canyon

IceboxCanyon

For two weeks we built a friendship from a common ground… our mental health. It was innocent, yet something kept drawing me to you. I would have to refrain from writing to you CONSTANTLY… I just wanted to crawl inside of your mind and learn who you were, who you wanted to be.

Then we decided to meet.

A hike to appease the fire inside of us… to have the time to really dive into each-others minds.

We met on common ground to travel together to Icebox Canyon.

My heart speeds up now at the memory of getting out of my car and seeing you, the physical you I didn’t really remember on our first meeting. I remember most the feeling you ignited within me… I remember your curly short hair, your athletic build, the easy smile that reached your eyes and lit up my world. Butterflies at the memory of your embrace… I can still recall the way you smelled, how my body melded to yours, still innocent and unknowing, yet treading on completely new feelings, a new energy never experienced before. I could feel an electrical surge… darts of energy diving off my body, surging into yours.

I could have lived forever in that embrace… and yet, that was just the beginning. I expected to be nervous yet I was not… I was something entirely different… yet I couldn’t recognize it yet. You played “Hero”, and extended your hand… I took it into mine… the electricity that shot into me was intoxicating. I could feel your energy combine with mine, a reverberation that I could feel to my bones, and I could FEEL you. The walls I built were not in place with you… somehow you broke through and the intensity of your Being grasping for me took my breath from my chest. Your energy and mine chased and followed, filling me to the brim with a feeling that I can only describe as feeling “whole”… no longer depleted of the fire I thought I lost long ago. With purpose you played that song… changing its memory forever within me… never again would it be associated with devastation, but instead, a new beginning… in that moment of feeling your energy burn into me, a new hope was created. When you removed your hand from mine, its absence was immediately felt… and it was unnatural.

The conversation came easily… excitement was overflowing. The trail was just as easy, and yet for one reason or another, once it got slightly steeper I reached for you to find you reaching for me… who reached first?? I thought I did, yet you tell me it was you. We remained in our bubble… pink arrows showing the way… the blue sky brilliant with whispy clouds passing quickly through. We sat against rocks, skin on fire with each others touch, my barriers collapsing around my feet… and I wanted them to stay down. I wanted to let you in.

I got lost in your touch…not just the way you touched me, but the blaze that erupted from how I felt touching you.  I could see the looks from others who knew what we would still come to realize… they could see the magnetism, the energy we exuded, they could see we were meant to be… your care in my safety and in making sure I was comfortable with each step. I saw it clearly in their gaze, the knowing smile of their lips. And still, as I noticed them, I was hopelessly lost in you. My head on your chest… I would sigh… “I could listen to his heart beat forever”. THIS WAS NEW. UNEXPECTED. INTOXICATING.

The sun is disappearing from the sky, evening falling fast… I beg time to slow. I am not ready to release you yet. We drive… in silence… my mind racing and asking “what the hell is this”… this can’t be real. The radio plays… a sadness looms. I feed off your emotion and feel a new feeling… desperation. When will I see you … I MUST see you again… I can’t wait till Thursday, I think I could possibly wither away. Tuesday it will be…

I watch you pull away… Oh my God could this be? The cynic in me crumbled… He is the mate to my soul… Later you wrote… Serendipitous. I smile to myself… I am going to ride his lightening bolt.

That boy is mine.

©thebipolarmuse 2018

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“I Am Not Afraid…”~ Joan Of Arc

bornForThis

Bipolar Ord3r~ I was born to do this♥

 

Every day is a new day to bring happiness into our lives. It isn’t always the easiest thing to do … even  more-so when you battle mental health issues, but with patience, persistence, a sense of humor, and the desire to make life better with each day, it can be done!

Let go of that which you have no control~ Learn to go with the flow, life is ever changing~ Be kind to yourself, see your beauty INSIDE, and LOVE yourSELF~ Smile, it is contagious~ Laugh out loud, it is even more contagious~ When you lack kindness, don’t speak~ Point out one good thing about yourself daily, and say what that is out-loud while looking yourself in the eyes~~~ When having a bad day, remember the graceful pre-teen who faced cancer bravely, whose moniker was “makeup is my wig”, all the while bringing encouragement, love, happiness, grace, and a beaming smile to others… up until her last breath~~~ Do what you do with your whole heart in it, your passion will encourage others!

LIVE, THRIVE, CRY, EMBRACE the SUCK, and no matter what, NEVER EVER GIVE UP… you are worth all the effort. Don’t let life slip by, EXPERIENCE it with an open mind and with your heart “all in”… afterall, we only have THIS life to live, so get to living it! ♥

Fuck Bipolar Disorder… Bipolar ORDER is how I roll~

©thebipolarmuse 2018

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