I wrote this in April of 2010… right after my life fell to pieces because I was suffering from a mental break I didn’t realize I’d been having for the last two previous years. It was a very very difficult time, and a testament to my wavering mental health, depression, anxiety, and led to my diagnosis of Bipolar 1 with psychosis.
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How in the world did I get to where I am?? Living at my st ex-husbands… paying rent… sleeping on a couch (though it’s now upgraded to a bunk bed that I share with my daughter. Of which I am eternally grateful for)… taking 5 different medications for depression, anxiety, and manic depression? Not to mention meds to control my blood pressure and I am only 34 years old and in great physical shape. And sadly, that is not the worst part.
The absolute worst is that I am not residing with my 2 youngest children. Certain HORRIBLE events have occurred, which I shall not mention here but are the worst imaginal, and these events have caused my current hell on earth. My life has been turned upside down, and in every direction… besides the ones I want to be in. However, my children are safe and doing amazing. Is that enough?? It must be. I have to believe it is. THEY are my number one priority.
And for them… I tend not to wander.
For very good reasons.
©thebipolarmuse April 2010
